


Unsubstantiated Rumour

by Ultra



Series: When Love & Hate Collide [3]
Category: Leverage
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eliot Spencer's Cooking, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Grumpy Eliot Spencer, Kissing, M/M, Parker Being Parker (Leverage), Post-Canon, Singing, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2020-02-27 02:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18730111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: “Sterling and Eliot sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”





	Unsubstantiated Rumour

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for sigrundora on LiveJournal.

“How many times have I told you not to do that?” Eliot fumed, looking up at the ceiling vent where Parker was singing at him... again.

She had been pretty unbearable ever since Hardison went away. It was only a few days in San Diego for Comic Con, and whilst the hacker was gone, his team-mates were supposed to take a little well-earnt time off. It would’ve been fine. Eliot had plans to spend time alone at home, tend his garden, meditate a little. All that got blown to hell when Sterling showed up.

Any normal situation and Eliot would’ve bounced the Interpol guy off all four walls and ceiling before throwing him out... preferably from a third floor window onto his ass. Unfortunately, Parker had decided to take charge, and when she heard that Sterling was looking for them to help him pull a con that would save some impoverished families from further problems, well, there really wasn’t anything to do but help, besides, even Eliot had to admit, they kind of owed Sterling for letting them get away with their last major con as a five-piece.

Working together hadn’t been so bad. They stuck to the plan, concentrated on the parts they were playing, and got the job done. Unfortunately, when Sterling tried to use his cover as the brother of a patient they were visiting in a care home, Eliot had floundered. Sterling had to save the day, and of all things, he turned around and said that Eliot was his lover!

It had been bad enough that time at the rehab place when Hardison put his arm through Eliot’s own and said they were ‘together’ in front of a very pretty nurse. Having to pretend to enjoy being up close and personal with James Sterling in any way at all was not something Eliot ever enjoyed, even less so when it was implied they were sleeping together.

Of course, Parker had found the whole thing absolutely hilarious. She also seemed to believe the cover was true, although Eliot couldn’t decide whether she was just pretending to be that dumb to annoy him - he was pretty sure that was exactly what she was doing.

“Sterling and Eliot sitting in a tree!” she began again. “K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

Eliot growled low in his throat, slamming the oven door for good measure. Sterling only laughed.

“She’s got problems, hasn’t she?” he chuckled, looking up at the ceiling as he heard the thief scurrying round.

“She’s not the only one,” Eliot muttered, serving food only to place it with as light a delicacy as he could manage in his state of anger.

“Well, this looks very nice,” Sterling admitted, sipping his wine as he looked at the meal Eliot had prepared. “Almost... romantic?” he teased.

It wasn’t that he was any more gay than Eliot was, but the hitter was getting so tightly wound about the whole thing, it was way too much fun to carry on screwing with him. Sterling realised too late that maybe that was the wrong turn of phrase to use in the circumstances, but at least it was only inside his own head!

“You can shut the hell up anytime, Sterling!” Eliot snapped, slamming down the pan he’d been holding. “The only reason you’re here is so our cover isn’t blown. The only reason all your limbs are still attached to your pathetic little body is because I’m supposed to play for the good guys these days.”

He got very much in Sterling’s face as he made his threats, and Parker’s unmistakable giggle permeated from the ceiling (or possibly the wall) when the Interpol agent grinned at the hitter.

“You are gorgeous when you’re angry,” he said smirking, backing off immediately because he was aware that if he pushed Eliot’s buttons too much he might just snap.

“Parker, get your butt down here. Now!” the hitter yelled, not exactly sure when she was right now but knowing he needed to get a decent meal into her already.

She was so much more grown up and sensible when she was leading the team. With Hardison gone and Sterling in the mix, she seemed to have reverted to her child-like self, which meant Eliot was back to playing big brother until she calmed the hell down. The kissing song started up again, proving she wasn’t there yet. Eliot growled.

“Seriously though, Spencer,” said Sterling as he took a seat at the table and waited for Eliot to bring over the plates for dinner. “You know what they say about blokes that get so riled up at the prospect of a little man-on-man action...”

“I’m not homophobic or anything!” Eliot protested immediately. “I know guys that like girls, guys that like guys, hell, guys that couldn’t choose who they liked better. That doesn’t matter to me.”

“Oh, I never said it did,” Sterling assured him, placing down his wine glass just so on the table, not at all phased by the huffing and puffing Eliot was doing, or how red his face was turning.

“No, that’s not what he meant,” said Parker, so suddenly that both men jumped.

At some point she had reappeared in the room and was now sat on the kitchen counter. Eliot was not happy about her ass being on his cooking surfaces.

“Get down!” he told her shortly, pulling out a chair at the table and gesturing for her to come sit in it already.

She stuck out her tongue, but did as she was asked.

“That wasn’t what you meant, right?” she said to Sterling as Eliot fetched her dinner over to the table. “I remember Sophie told me that some guys protest too much. They deny liking other guys and they sleep with a lot of women to hide the fact that they’re actually gay,” she explained.

“I am not gay!” snapped Eliot, trying his hardest not to slam the plates down so hard that the china cracked - it was touch and go to be honest. “I have no problem with people who are gay, I just ain’t one of ‘em, okay?”

“Nobody actually said you were, Spencer.” Sterling shrugged, placing his napkin in his lap without a care, as if he had no idea what the problem was.

“That is true,” Parker agreed, picking her way through the vegetables on her plate. “Eliot and Sterling sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G...” she started again then, looking over at Eliot with a wicked smirk on her lips - it was just too much fun to make him mad sometimes.

Sterling cracked up. Laughed so hard that if he had any wine in his mouth at that point he would’ve sprayed the whole table. Eliot was mad about it for like three seconds before he had a thought. A smirk came over his lips to rival Parker’s own as he walked over to the table and took his seat. He smiled, even laughed a little, as Sterling went more and more red from great heaving guffaws and chuckles.

“So funny,” Eliot said, laughing himself, watching Parker giggle madly before turning his attention to the guy at the end of the table. “Hey, Sterling?”

“Wha..?” was the only sound the guy managed to make before Eliot’s hand snaked behind his head, pulling him close, the hitter’s tongue plundering into Sterling’s mouth uninvited.

Parker gasped with shock, and then started up giggling again at the display. She tilted her head to one side staring. She never saw two guys kiss before. She certainly never saw Eliot kiss another man. It was a funny and weird sight at first, and then she just kind of couldn’t look away.

Suddenly it was over, Eliot turned straight in his seat and picked up his knife and fork to eat. He didn’t even spare Sterling a second glance as he looked over at Parker and nodded to her plate.

“Eat your dinner, Parker,” he told her.

“Yes, sir,” she said dutifully, doing as she was told, wondering what the heck was going to happen if she didn’t!

Sterling sat silently for a moment, then worked his jaw with his left hand, trying to get some feeling back. Suddenly, clearing his throat, he started eating. There was no more talking after that.


End file.
